We’ve all heard of the fight or flight response- it’s a primal nervous system response found in even the smallest of mammals, and it’s a common human experience. While the concept is simple enough to understand, Most of us don’t spend enough time thinking about just how much this response influences our lives- and how having the control to move out of it could help us live more fulfilled lives.
What if, instead of being driven by fear and survival instincts, we could navigate life from a place of calm and connection?
Today, I want to talk about moving out of fight or flight through fostering a sense of connection.
The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response: What Is It?
The fight, flight or freeze response is an important nervous system reaction that keeps us alive in survival situations. It overrides our bodily functions in the presence of a threat without us having to think about it.
Our bodies are so amazing- they are experts at keeping us alive. The only problem is that our modern life presents a lot of perceived “threats” that don’t necessarily kill us in the moment, but that our minds perceive as just as dangerous.
An example might be if you have an exam coming up. The fight/flight response kicks in to help you cram for your test in this highly stressful situation. The freeze response comes in when, for example, your teacher asks you a question in front of the class that you don’t know the answer to- you freeze up to keep yourself from saying something embarrassing. These responses generally work for your favor, but if you have lots of exams over an extended period of time or a lot of stressful classes, it really takes a toll on your body.
The fight/flight/freeze reaction affects all of your bodily systems- your brain function, your digestion, and it also just doesn’t feel that great to be stressed all the time. It can have serious health outcomes, but even more importantly it prevents you from living fully. So how can we live a life that isn’t dominated by this reaction?
What is the Alternative to Living in a State of Fight or Flight?
Ideally we want to be living most of our lives from a rest and digest state- a feeling of safety. Our brains are smart and if threats are present, our brains won’t rest until we make it right because our brains know that true safety is crucial to our survival.
How do we create a sense of safety? And how do we live most of our lives out of that state? If you’ve been living in a stressed state for a long time you’ll probably have a hard time imagining what living out of a felt sense of safety is like. Maybe you can’t remember what safety feels like in your body.
I went through a period of chronic stress for- well, a long time off and on. From high school with high pressure classes and social stress, to college with more difficult classes and roommate issues, to my university shutting down and needing to transfer, to COVID, to stressful relationships and now to starting my own business- my life has been far from stress-free the past four years.
I finally hit a wall when I started having chronic nightmares for months on end. I went to therapy and I realized that I needed to work on creating a sense of inner safety if I was going to get through life.
This has looked like a lot of things that I’m still working on implementing, but one of them was learning how to move out of a fight/flight/freeze state through creating a sense of connection.
When I first learned that connection was the key to moving out of that state, I was confused. I thought, “Connection… connection to what?”
I learned that connection can look like a lot of different things. It can look like feeling connected to someone else through a conversation, but it can also look like feeling connected to the world through spending time out in nature, or feeling connected to yourself through meditation, journaling or creating, or feeling connected to something bigger through looking at a painting, spending time with a pet, traveling, or practicing rituals or spirituality.
Overall, “connecting” is anything that promotes a sense of belonging, meaning, or purpose.
One other thing to keep in mind is that fight/flight/freeze happens in three tiers. The first tier rest and digest. If you encounter a threat, you go into the second tier, which is fight or flight. Then, if the threat is really scary you can go into the third tier which is freeze. The best way to get out of a freeze state is through movement of some kind- removing yourself from the situation, or otherwise mobilizing yourself. Then from there you can focus on getting yourself out of fight or flight back into a state of safety through connection.
7 Ways to Move Out of Fight or Flight and Connect to the World
With that in mind, let’s look at 7 ways to move out of fight or flight by finding a sense of connection.
Spending Time in Nature
Spending time in nature can help you feel connected to the Earth and to creation. Bird watching, gardening, hiking, hammocking camping… the possibilities are endless. I would recommend taking up some outdoor hobbies you could do on trips and excursions as well as things you can do in your backyard or your community. Some of my favorites are paddle boarding, camping, hammocking, and hiking. I also enjoy going to nearby parks to meditate, or to just lay in the sun. When I’m at home I like to garden, and I also like to collect things to make crafts and terrariums.
Arts & Crafts
Being creative can help you feel connected to yourself and/or something bigger than yourself. Perhaps you enjoy crafts like crochet, embroidery, or painting- or perhaps you really like to get creative and make outdoor art, edit videos, write poetry or cook. Creativity takes so many forms!
Connecting with a Pet
Spending time with a pet can help you feel a sense of companionship. Just loving on a dog or cat for a few minutes can make you feel very calm and happy! Taking your dog for a walk or to the park also has great health benefits. If you don’t have a dog, you can offer to walk a neighbor’s dog or take up dog walking as a side gig. Otherwise, taking care of any animal can help you feel connected to them and give you a sense of purpose.
Have a Conversation with a Loved One
Having a deep conversation where you’re really connecting feels much more fulfilling than simple small talk. One tip I really like is to ask your partner, friend or family member “slightly uncomfortable” questions to get to know their inner world better. A slightly uncomfortable question is one that you would normally stop yourself from asking because it seems too invasive- but most times the other person will appreciate you asking deep questions about them and will be more than happy to open up.
Meditate
Mediating can help you feel connected to a sense of oneness, or a higher power. Whether you meditate for 10 minutes or just practice mindfulness throughout the day, meditating comes with some real health benefits and can also help reduce stress overall. Check out this blog post on how to start a meditation practice for some ideas!
Journal
Journaling can help you feel more connected to your one thoughts, emotions, and values. You can free-write about whatever is on your mind, or you can start with a journal prompt. The important thing is to write freely and honestly, without being worried about someone else reading it or what you “should” be writing about.
Travel
Experiencing new cultures, landscapes, and environments can foster a sense of connection to the diversity and beauty of the world. Make a bucket list of the places you want to go, and make sure to include towns and cities as well as places in nature like national parks. And then do it! Whether you go on a big trip or just explore a new place in your nearest city, creating new experiences can definitely help you feel more present and connected to the world.
Summary
The fight, flight, or freeze response is a primal and important reaction, but it doesn’t have to dictate our entire lives. Living in a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze can have detrimental effects on our physical and mental well-being, hindering our ability to fully engage with life.
The alternative lies in fostering a sense of safety and connection, moving away from the reactive mode of survival and towards a state of rest and digest. Through practices like spending time in nature, engaging in creativity, connecting with loved ones, meditation, journaling, and travel, we can cultivate a deeper sense of belonging, meaning, and purpose.
By recognizing the power of connection in changing our perceived reality, we empower ourselves to live more fully and authentically. It’s a journey of self-discovery and intentional living, where we reclaim agency over our well-being and embrace the richness of human experience. So, let’s prioritize nurturing connections and creating moments of peace amidst life’s challenges, ultimately leading to a more vibrant and fulfilling existence.
What’s your favorite activity to do when you’re in a state of stress? Let me know in the comments!